Saturday, February 28, 2015

On Writing and Austen Novels


We’ve been on a bit of an Austen run lately. That is, watching the latest BBC adaptations of the novels. It started off with my favourite; Persuasion and we’ve just finished my second favourite, Emma. They aren’t the usual favourites and I really do enjoy Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility.
What I most enjoy about Persuasion and Emma are the characters. Anne Elliot is wracked with guilt and regret over her decision years ago to refuse Captain Wentworth and has resigned herself to being unhappy for the rest of her life. She could really use some good counselling! And Captain Fredrick Wentworth is determined that Anne will know that he is completely indifferent to her and thinks her weak and easily persuaded.

Emma is by far the most unlikeable heroine in all of Austen’s novels. I’ve read that Austen was quite concerned about how the readers would take to Emma, worried that she would be very much disliked.

In my opinion Emma, is Austen’s most honest character, her flaws are real and in view of the reader the whole time. She says things that make the reader/watcher cringe. She makes mistakes and assumptions, her behaviour is not always what it should be and her motivations are questionable. And, she’s the most frightful gossip.

Who doesn’t get filled up with dread when Emma takes her trip to Box Hill and we know that she’s about to say the most horrific things to Miss Bates?

“Badly done Emma, badly done indeed,” says Mr. Knightly. And yet, it is at that moment that he realises he loves her.

And I think it’s that wonderful quality of Emma and Persuasion, where characters have disappointed each other, they have made mistakes, they are hurt and have shown probably their worst sides, “Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant,” writes Captain Wentworth to Anne. And yet… and yet, they are loved.

When writing my own stories I have found it difficult not to make my characters perfect. It is easy to take out flaws that will make them unlikeable. To try and weave character traits together which make fictional heroes and heroines seem too good to be true.

I think is has a lot to do with my own struggle to try and look perfect to others, try and seem ‘all together’. But this is a great mistake because it is these very flaws that make characters in books relatable and real to us. It is these very flaws in myself which, when I am honest about them, draws out honesty and empathy in others.

A friend sent me this quote,

“The ache is where the stories come from, the art comes from… the truth comes from. To create, you can’t step around it—you fall into it.” Jonathan Martin

The ache within ourselves, whatever it is, flaws, you name it, is what makes writing and the characters we create real, with the ability to touch other people deeply. To be honest with where we are in life. To ignore that ache in us, to step around it and to have characters, which do not have an ache, is to be untrue to life, untrue to ourselves.

And no matter how flawed we are, there is always someone who loves us.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Grief


This river of grief that carves it way through me
Is deeper and wider than I know.
I feel its movement
with every breath,
Its strong undercurrent with every step.

At times it becomes a flood, a torrent wanting to sweep me away, crashing against the rocks in my life and overflowing the banks I have built.

Then it quiets--this monster, ebbing and flowing, strong and sure, continuous, seeping into every corner of me until it comes leaking out, silently.

It used to be hidden in the secret, dark depths of me, its unknown strength building, crippling my fragile hold on life.

Now that I have let it free, will it ever dry up or will it flow forever and forever to be replaced by some other grief?

This river that threatens to drown me
This river that shapes me as it changes course, changes my course.
This river that sharpens me,
Strengthens me,
Shines me.