Thoughts on Belonging

How do I find a place to belong when I’ve never really felt like I've

belonged anywhere before?

I find it rather easy to tell myself that I don't belong. To dig out those feelings of 'otherness.' I grew up in a country completely different from my 'passport' country (Australia). I went to a boarding school run by and mainly populated by North Americans. When I came back to live in Australia I did not recognise the place as my home and wanted to leave as soon as possible. For six years I lived in PNG and now back in Australia I'm struggling to once again to feel at home.

The picture is of me when we first moved to
PNG during our bush orientation.
I was definitely struggling with feelings of not belonging 

Belonging: the word is so weighted with deep, deep yearning. Longing to ‘be’, be included, to feel needed— to know where one fits.

We’ve moved to yet another city and once again I feel lost— between worlds. I’ve left the comfort of my belonging, of my knowing what my place was, what my purpose was. We’ve come to a place where I don’t know the rules, the boundaries, who’s busy on what days, who’s up for a chat at anytime. I don’t know where the good beaches are or where’s the best place to get an ice-coffee.

And inside my mind the doubts and questions always come thick and fast; what if I don’t find my place to belong? What if I’m not needed here? What if there is no space?

In my many moves I’ve come to realise that there is always space. The space will look different then the last one, it might not be as big or as comfortable but it will be there. I am needed in some way and it might take a bit of creativity to find out exactly what it is and a bit of openness and willingness to bend and see life in a different light.

It takes time and effort to fit into a place and in the floundering times there are awkward times, embarrassing times, frustrating times.

And, there are those time when I get up the courage to ask someone in my floundering and the conversation flourishes and it becomes more than just a cry for help but a reaching out and a relationship is built and the belonging starts.

Be strong and very courageous. To belong somewhere and to make room for others to belong takes courage and strength. When I am outside of my comfort zone, this is the time that I stretch and grow. To step into an environment where I feel like the ‘other’ is when I start to dig deep and understand myself. There is a time when everyone feels like they do not belong.

I always find myself convinced that every other person has there lives all sorted out. Like I’m the only one struggling with feelings of inadequacy, with feelings of not belonging. But it’s not true. Every single person has something that they are struggling with and to each individual it’s huge.

So, maybe belonging isn’t so much a feeling of fitting in but knowing that no matter where I am in the world I can belong. When I am secure in the knowledge of who I am (I’m still working on this), I can rest secure that God has already made a space for me. I belong. God made me and placed me here therefore I belong.

Choices

Choice, it’s such an interesting concept. In some parts of the world it’s taken for granted, in other parts there is no such thing as having choice.

For the most part, I haven’t been to bothered by needing to make choices where I feel conflicted about my ability to make the right decision.

Having lived overseas for most of my life, in places where people do not have a lot of excess or choice, I still have to fight a feeling of claustrophobia whenever I go into shopping centres and supermarkets with their incredible range of absolutely everything. Do we really need ten types of toothpaste or fifty types of breakfast cereal? But then again, why not? We’re all different. We all like different things. Obviously there is a market for it all.

I’m in the position at the present where I’m feeling strangled by the immense weight of choice. What do I want? I can choose and there are lots of good choices. So what is it that I want?

When we worked in Papua New Guinea we were told in what community we would be living in and in what house. So, we made the best out of whatever we got.

Last year, when we lived in country Victoria, we had the choice of two rental houses for the whole town. One was a dump and the other was a lovely house, so we chose the lovely house. There was one kindergarten, so no decision there and Matt and I worked out of our lovely house.

Here in Cairns, we have a whole city to choose from, there are hundreds, if not thousands of rental properties. There are dozens of schools. And the whole decision making process is made somewhat mind-boggling by the vast amount of choice.

Sometimes, I just want someone to say, “This is the right choice, go with it.”

We are trying to get a rental property at the moment and the market is pretty tight. There are lots of people looking for houses and lots of people looking for houses, like us, who are also considering schools for their kids and proximity to work.

I’m beginning to understand the frustration of making a decision where there is no one right answer. We are going to have to make the decision and whatever the outcome live with it. We can’t blame someone else and say, we had no choice. I’m so glad that life is not a tightrope. If our decision turns out to be the wrong one, well, we can always do a u-turn.

So we’re doing a lot of praying, a lot of looking and a lot of pushing on doors to see if they open or stay firmly shut. Trusting that whatever decision we make will be done so with wisdom from God and trusting that God will see us through in the outcome.